We don’t talk about it very often because our culture didn’t evolve to include open dialogue between the sexes and honest discourse on relationships, as a whole. When was the last time you heard someone holding forth on the aspects of healthy relationships and a healthy sex life? Sure, we have extensive reading material about those things in our rags but they are glib and superficial. They’re presented as shock pieces to titillate our curiosity and nothing else. But in the media and everywhere else, our prudish attitude toward sex prevents us from engaging in insightful and thoughtful conversations that would help us mitigate certain bad consequences that emerge from bad relationships. And those consequences impact women on a larger scale.
As part of the New Year celebrations, a radio show focused on things that marked us in the past year. Among the topics that were being expounded, crimes of passion raised the alarm; we have a very unhealthy idea of relationships. The new year began with another crime of passion making headlines; a jilted husband had shot his wife and then turned the gun on himself. Another child will be growing up without a family, due to our collective apathy on what is destroying our society from within. Here are some useful guidelines for dating here, in Mauritius.
1. The misogynistic ones wear their misogyny as a badge of honor-learn to identify the signs
These guys are loud and very passionate about their disdain for women. When people tell you who they are, believe them. Those guys always jump at the opportunity to deride women or lecture women on how they ought to behave. So it goes without saying, they’re quite fond of the traditional gender roles, where they will have the upper-hand, almost all the time.
Needless to say, your relationship will revolve around his needs, his views and his sexual appetite. He’s the king and you’re merely the dinner. Unfortunately, men of the aforementioned creed, make up a huge chunk of the population so you need to learn how to spot them and how to casually avoid them.
2. Avoid male prudes like the plague
As a 21st century woman, it is quite offensive to imply that women shouldn’t enjoy sex. It’s biology, it’s science, it’s the core of human existence. But Mauritius is still quite a dogmatic society where people expect you to abide by the tenets of their religion, as if you’re not allowed to have your own version of tenets to abide by. As a result, sex is viewed under a very repressive light, that you’re supposed to indulge in it when you’re married and that’s it. There’s no sexual education for kids in college and teen pregnancy is quite a big problem here, due to this inane misconception about something so natural.
There are many guys here who’ve been raised to think that only they ought to enjoy sex. It’s very common in oppressive cultures to have men who walk around believing they’re Rocco Siffredi and looking down on women who want a piece of the cake. Those men are not going to be fun to be with, especially if you’re the kind of woman who’s self confident enough and has a healthy self-esteem.
3. Observe their social circle
Men who cannot be friends with women are almost always sexualizing the opposite gender. Of course, attraction is normal but a person who cannot overcome physical attraction and maintain platonic relationships with people, is the definition of a red flag. In Mauritius, many activities are limited to men, and they take great pride in partaking in those activities with their male friends.
Often, in patriarchal societies like ours, women who mingle with men are harshly excoriated so watch out if your guy has no female friends. It means that he probably sees women as a dating accessory only.
4. When he overtly criticizes women’s rights movements, he’s telling you he doesn’t think much of women
When someone feels the need to tell you that views on gender shouldn’t evolve and specifically targets your gender as being inferior and not eligible for equal treatment, you have to understand that you will never be equal in their eyes. There is no worse outcome in a relationship, which ought to be fun and spontaneous. People who are opposed to your own progress and to the progress of women’s rights in general, are not going to vouch for your well-being.
It is 2018, the times have changed. The #MeToo movement has finally sounded the death knell on abuse in many countries, female leaders are more vocal than ever and society is finally making amends for the inequalities of the past in developed countries. It is time to eradicate these anachronistic attitudes toward women and relationships in Mauritius and level the playing field.