Moral conflict is egregious to the mind, it drains it out of its vigor and that thing you call your conscience is always an embattled turf. It’s what makes us human, seemingly, but it’s also ostensibly the source of some of our misery, at least. Our human mind is pre-programmed by default, to respond to the underlying norms and expectations that rule our society, to pick up on doubts and stretch them beyond their true magnitude because, that’s just how the human brain works. Like a sponge, it instinctively catches all the droplets of turmoil or conflict that sluices into it and traps them inside it. Unless you replace the sponge with a new one-which is the very idea of lobotomies-you cannot get rid of those accumulated defects.
The human brain picks up on every tiny detail, spanning from the very early instances of your existence to the present day, stocking up every chamber of your memory with eerily precise details of every moment passed. Every action and reaction is a result of that process, a kind of decision making system with various choices but a definite answer, because your brain makes you who you are, and everything you do, is very idiosyncratic. Even the moral conflicts you have, are rooted in the same decision making process. And what’s worse, when you’re ambivalent, it just means that you’re inherently indecisive. That is, your brain isn’t idiosyncratic, it’s malleable, protean even.
Ambivalence and indecision are by far, the most obvious reasons for moral conflict. For whatever reason that a grander morality is ever being imposed on us, the ambivalent mind seeks to eschew it, while at the same time, it’s dead set on trying to decipher the answer to this moral conundrum. But this solution cannot be found anywhere because someone else thought to define morality for us, just like everything else is being decided for us. Forget about agency, we’re not even allowed a semblance of equanimity. Everything has an answer, everything is tantamount to that idiosyncratic process that that ”someone” thought of for us.
The very cornerstone of human civilization is war and bloodshed. Nothing good ever happens without an act of violence. It’s the universal truth of this world, we cannot have goodness without evil, we cannot feel love without feeling hate-in a nutshell, the polar opposites that we’ve been wrestling with since the infancy of our civilization, aren’t just the negation of one another. They’re concomitant with one another. So, the definite answer to any sort of moral conflict would be to acknowledge this duality, instead of toying with diametrically opposed concepts that have been superficially ingrained in one’s mind.
It’s dangerous maybe, to acknowledge this duality, to find that everything rests on the same pillars. But it’s important I think, to face this reality without seeking to undermine it. That, for whatever reason you might have done something, for whatever reason something happened to you, it’s not just an isolated event that can be described in terms of a schism, as we so often do. It’s dousing in nuance, but more so, it’s very simple because what happens next, is in fact, a very similar event.