A Guide To Dating In Mauritius For Women

We don’t talk about it very often because our culture didn’t evolve to include open dialogue between the sexes and honest discourse on relationships, as a whole.  When was the last time you heard someone holding forth on the aspects of healthy relationships and a healthy sex life?  Sure, we have extensive reading material about those things in our rags but they are glib and superficial.  They’re presented as shock pieces to titillate our curiosity and nothing else.  But in the media and everywhere else, our prudish attitude toward sex prevents us from engaging in insightful and thoughtful conversations that would help us mitigate certain bad consequences that emerge from bad relationships.  And those consequences impact women on a larger scale.

As part of the New Year celebrations, a radio show focused on things that marked us in the past year.  Among the topics that were being expounded, crimes of passion raised the alarm; we have a very unhealthy idea of relationships.  The new year began with another crime of passion making headlines; a jilted husband had shot his wife and then turned the gun on himself.  Another child will be growing up without a family, due to our collective apathy on what is destroying our society from within.  Here are some useful guidelines for dating here, in Mauritius.

1. The misogynistic ones wear their misogyny as a badge of honor-learn to identify the signs

These guys are loud and very passionate about their disdain for women.  When people tell you who they are, believe them.  Those guys always jump at the opportunity to deride women or lecture women on how they ought to behave.  So it goes without saying, they’re quite fond of the traditional gender roles, where they will have the upper-hand, almost all the time.

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Why can’t every man be Don Draper?

Needless to say, your relationship will revolve around his needs, his views and his sexual appetite.  He’s the king and you’re merely the dinner.  Unfortunately, men of the aforementioned creed, make up a huge chunk of the population so you need to learn how to spot them and how to casually avoid them.

 2. Avoid male prudes like the plague

As a 21st century woman, it is quite offensive to imply that women shouldn’t enjoy sex.  It’s biology, it’s science, it’s the core of human existence.  But Mauritius is still quite a dogmatic society where people expect you to abide by the tenets of their religion, as if you’re not allowed to have your own version of tenets to abide by.  As a result, sex is viewed under a very repressive light, that you’re supposed to indulge in it when you’re married and that’s it.  There’s no sexual education for kids in college and teen pregnancy is quite a big problem here, due to this inane misconception about something so natural.

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Tada.

There are many guys here who’ve been raised to think that only they ought to enjoy sex.  It’s very common in oppressive cultures to have men who walk around believing they’re Rocco Siffredi and looking down on women who want a piece of the cake.  Those men are not going to be fun to be with, especially if you’re the kind of woman who’s self confident enough and has a healthy self-esteem.

3. Observe their social circle

Men who cannot be friends with women are almost always sexualizing the opposite gender.  Of course, attraction is normal but a person who cannot overcome physical attraction and maintain platonic relationships with people, is the definition of a red flag.  In Mauritius, many activities are limited to men, and they take great pride in partaking in those activities with their male friends.

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This female computer engineer has no female friends, which is OKAY.

Often, in patriarchal societies like ours, women who mingle with men are harshly excoriated so watch out if your guy has no female friends.  It means that he probably sees women as a dating accessory only.

4. When he overtly criticizes women’s rights movement, he’s telling you he doesn’t think much of women

When someone feels the need to tell you that views on gender shouldn’t evolve and specifically targets your gender as being inferior and not eligible for equal treatment, you have to understand that you will never be equal in their eyes.  There is no worse outcome in a relationship, which ought to be fun and spontaneous.  People who are opposed to your own progress and to the progress of women’s rights in general, are not going to vouch for your well-being.

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Thankfully, he’s not into women.  If he were, he wouldn’t be getting any.

 

It is 2018, the times have changed.  The #MeToo movement has finally sounded the death knell on abuse in many countries, female leaders are more vocal than ever and society is finally making amends for the inequalities of the past in developed countries.  It is time to eradicate these anachronistic attitudes toward women and relationships in Mauritius and level the playing field.

 

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How To Cheat On Your Partner Effectively

You want to know right?  You’ve gone over it a few times, you came to the conclusion that your life might be more livable with a bit of spice and excitement.  You acquainted yourself with nihilism and you’ve come to embrace the Absurdist philosophy.  At the same time, you’re not really into your partner at the moment.  You want to feel like you’re in love without really being in love, you want to indulge in the seduction game and get out of it posthaste, you want to have a one-night stand without all the histrionics that would naturally ensue.  Here are 5 tips on how to cheat effectively…and get away with it.

1.Blend your shenanigans with your routine

Don’t go out of your way to make your partner feel special and loved.  Like don’t do it.  That will give it away.  Instead, merge your cheating bouts with your routine.  There’s a thing that’s coming up?  Well don’t go to that thing and plan ahead.  Your partner’s going to visit some relatives over the weekend?  Seize the opportunity, my friend.  Just go with the flow and if it gets kind of complicated, make up excuses that would seem natural.

So you’re horny on a Sunday afternoon but your boring boyfriend is lurking around your house.  What do you do?  You can’t just tell him you’re going shopping, he’s going to want to come along.  After all, it’s a Sunday afternoon.  What you could do instead (and it’s a genius advice), you could act prissy and stir up some shit that would make him not want to talk to you for a while.  ”I’m PMSing, just leave me alone okay.”

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No one wants to hang around someone who’s moping.

I mean it would be easier to just break up with your partner but like, you know you can’t.  So follow these golden rules.

2. Use your stupid brain

Okay, this is like the most important advice in this section.  Know why you’re cheating.  Like sit down with a notepad and write it all down.  Aren’t you just wasting your time maneuvering behind their back when you could just dump them?  It depends on the context, of course, let’s say, if you’re married, it’s a pretty dumb move.  You’re putting everything on the line, son.  Married people ought to think it through more than anyone else, because divorce is expensive and married people tend to over-dramatize everything.  In that case, planning is everything.  Just like you plan your chores, your errands, you’ve gotta plan that booty call way ahead of time.  Just like leaving a reminder on the fridge for some boring shit would remind you of said shit, leave a mental note : ”Thursday, 2 p.m, fucking Karen for 3 hours, then need to pick kids up from their recital.”

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3. Don’t get caught you idiot

Like, don’t fucking carry their underwear with you or write about how good the sex was on your stupid blog.  If you do that, you’re a grade A moron who oughtn’t be getting laid, lest you would pass on those grade A moron genes to your stupid kid.  Do not get caught.  Plan ahead.  If your partner brings up something out of the blue, feign outrage.  Outrage is literally the easiest thing to act out, all you need to do is gasp like a goldfish and slam a door shut.  That would get your partner thinking, ”Jesus what did I do.  I shouldn’t have done that.”  It’s also known as gaslighting, but you don’t care because you’re an asshole right.

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This picture shows that cheating is fun so, don’t get caught.

4. Take a shower after fucking your side whore, you whore

You know how in movies, the first thing that gives it away is the perfume or the cheeky lipstick mark, well like, these movies are very prescient when it comes to the art of cheating.  Most people know what a dick or a pussy smells like, and if you’re going home after sucking dick, you’re most likely gonna bring that smell with you.  And if you’re gonna kiss your husband with that smell hanging all over you, well, you’re the kind of person Hitler would’ve euthanized.  I’m not even kidding.  Take a shower after you’ve done the deed, wash your sins and brush your teeth if you’ve gone down on your lover.

I don’t even know why this is even on the list, but not everyone is a good person I suppose.

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Giggity

5. Use email

Don’t text your side chick every 10 mins or so, if you’re gonna do that, you might as well get a divorce lawyer.  Be smart about cheating, use a disposable email that you would use to set up booty calls, hotel trips, dinners-cum-fuckfests, you name it.  In the end, it’s all about being careful about not being outed as a sex crazed fuckwit.  You have a reputation you know, you are a human being.  In our very conservative society, cheaters are akin to Satan’s stooges.  So be careful about your sinful activities and don’t let your dick tear your family apart.  That’s literally the stupidest thing ever.  Who cries over someone’s dick?

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Which is why, you shouldn’t text them all the time.